In a hole

I have one brother who is awesome and I love! BUT I secretly always wanted a sister as well. My mom has 2 sisters so I see the cool relationship they have!

These two girls couldn't be more different! Sophie is very much the 1st born, responsible one, eager to accomplish what she has put her mind to, love to draw/read and print.Grace is bold and willing to try new things and adventurous, she loves to dance, color and is the comedian of the family . I think a perfect combination personalities if you ask me! ...well, some days not so much..bahhaha!!

With Sophie going to Kindergarten (full time) in Sept and Grace in preschool I know they are going to miss each other a lot. It will be a big transition for us all! I know I'll need to be the calm level headed one and hide my scared/nervous/worried for them nerves! EEEPPP!

As we enter into this new phase of our lives I can't help but feel a bit guilty of all the times I wished they were older. This is my time with them that is precious and SO short lived. I need to see the value in that and not focus on the negative (can you tell I'm having a bad day...lol..) They are outside playing and Hope is napping...I NEED TO BLOG it out....

I feel as though I get this DARK cloud over my head. From time to time and when that happens everything seems to go wrong. Its not a glamours side of being a mom and its not talked about very much. Its a part of me that I am so weak in...my emotions! My mind just goes on a rampage and I need to find a way to reel it in FASTER.

 I must say I'm a pretty upbeat and optimistic person 98% of the time but when I get into these funks it TOTALLY SUCKS! I just get snappy,short, overwhelmed easily and just not enjoying the day/life for what it holds. I HATE IT...hate feeling this way. I hate talking about it and BARFING all over my husband with my silly issues because he has enough on his plate at work. BUT he LOVES it when I just talk and cry. I love him soooo much

So , what do I do when I'm deep in my funk?

I ask for prayer #1, pray myself, talk about it, try to breathe throughout the day, go for walks or anything that doesn't involve inside the house, actually have to WORK so hard to change my thought process........its hard work digging out! I was on my knees last night JUST praying like a mad blubbering fool to God, just surrendering it all again. These are the words I felt he spoke to me......my shoulders released and I could feel my body relax

"You are stronger than this, lean on me, turn it over to me, let things go, stay steady, I will take you through this and I have more planned for you than this, hang on"

 But once I'm out I can breathe again. Its only for a day or so usually after ONE really BAD DAY!

Your probably reading this thinking "HOLY LOONY BIN" but take it or leave it. Its my stuff, my issues. With #3 being a tricky as she is, it's REALLY been a hard few months.

Taking time away from them helps and I make sure I have LOTS of "me" time BUT when I get home its waiting for me. Its something that I CAN'T run away from. I need to deal with it and I'm happy to.....just sucks going through the process! bahahah!!

Thankful I can deal with it and not turn to other things to "mask" the issues. Still sucks....

Oh well, such is life and THIS TO SHALL PASS!!!!

Thanks for reading...........not the most uplifting blog...bhahah!!

LOVE LOVE
Jen