Child of God

I love it when people ask me if I grew up in a christian home. You know why? because it just OPENS up the dialogue of my story. I feel like many need to hear this because sometimes we have "perceptions" of people and it couldn't be further from the truth. I know that because of what I went through I have different "eyes" for people. I can see through the "facade" and see the pain because that was ME!


Lets start from the beginning...............


I grew up in Cloverdale (well, right there that will tell you something..bahahha...TOTALLY kidding), I have a great set of loving parents (now divorced) and a awsome brother. I had an amazing fun childhood.

I can remember being very young maybe grade 3 or 4 and going to a tent revival seminar with my mom and my aunts to listen to uncle Max preach. This was before grandma died. That was my 1st experience with God. I don't remember much but all I know is I cried the WHOLE time. I felt so overwhelmed and couldn't quite put into words how I was feeling TILL uncle Max came by. He took me, looked into my eyes and said " You have a strong presence of the holy spirit in you"

Fast forward to 15 years old. My parents were young when they had us. They like to party. It was a blast. We got to have movies on party night and my mom made it special for us as well! My bro and I and all the neighbour kids LOVED it when there was a party because we had free reign to do whatever! Now that I look back as an adult I cannot believe all the things I was allowed to do BUT it was also a very different time in our world. I had an incredible childhood with the greatest parents known to man. As a kid it couldn't have been a better upbringing.

My story really starts late in high school. I had a few sets of friends who I knew were christian and they (now that I look back ) we great examples of that. Always held firm to their belief and never came out to PARTY! THANK YOU peeps :)
I had a blast in high school OH MAN!

Fast forward to 19.....oh the fun begins! Clubbing, parties, living the life.
I was getting so tired of the scene so I decided to apply to go work at Earls, but not the Earls in Langley where I lived. For some reason I applied at the Strawberry Hills Earls (So odd?)

EVERYTHING CHANGED!

I had an inteview there with the manager. His name was Ryan. He interviewed me for an hour!!! I came home that night and told my mom I knew I was going to marry him. NO JOKE! it was odd. We had this immediate connection . Turns out he grew up in langley and we had some of the same friends and our paths NEVER crossed till now. I got the job.

We started dating. In a "no date" environment...lol...

Just to state the facts. When you work at Earls you "live" at Earls. You work, drink and party at Earls till 3am, go home get a few hours sleep, go back to work and do it allllll over again. Its the Earls family and thats how it was. Little did I know that all the chefs in the back did drugs. I'm not talking pot. I'm talking cocaine! and little did I know that Ryan was knee deep in a drug addiction SO bad. I was totally blind and had no clue. It got really bad a few years into our relationship. So bad that he would take my car to go get us a "movie" and not come back for a few days on a major drug binge. I would wait up all night BAWLING, crying with gut wrenching pain as I thought he was dead on the side of the road. He would eventually come home and be so wired, exhausted, and so sad and devistated of what he was doing.

I can remember him praying/begging God to take this addiction away from him. So many nights I can remember this. I had no clue about God or praying or anything so I just cried with him and rubbed his hair........... *crying*..........it just kills me to think back at this time. The pain was SO horrific, I was so lost and so scared. This scene went on for another 9 months or so...but just got progressively worse. He left Earls to get away from the drugs only to get hired at Milestones and they all did drugs their as well. *sigh* GOD had a plan, a big plan. We couldn't see it then but it was about to happen.

Ryan grew up in an amazing christian home. But completley walked away and got into major trouble as a youth and it continued. So that is where he got this faith to pray and beg GOD everynight for help. He had no where to go. A few friends of ours had invited us to come to CLA (the church we attend). I can still remember everything about my 1st time there. The smell, the people (looked all perfect and happy), the songs (why were they raising their hands??...weird?), and all I did was CRY the WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no joke. I felt like I was holding my breath the whole time. I didn't want to let myself FEEL...I had been so numb, on auto pilot, trying to "help" Ryan that when I entered this place of worship. I could almost feel Gods hands on my shoulders asking me to just let go....let go....let go...let go. I fought that feeling with EVERYTHING I had. I was NOT letting anyone in. This happened a few times in the months ahead as we amazingly kept getting invited to church. SHEESH enough already...lol...

It ended up after a 3 day binge of the worst time of his life he decided he had had ENOUGH. He had gotten to the low of his low, the bottom of the barrel and he needed help. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown as NO ONE knew about this...no one. I had kept this secret for a LOOONNGGG TIME!! I kept the pain inside and hidden in a box. Locked up tighter than a drum.

He called Wagner Hills (a christian recovery house) He left that morning. We had spoken to the director there and we knew there was NO contact for 6 months...no phone, no visits, no nothing. He left...............................................

I was SHATTERED, broken, alone and the most scared I've ever been in my whole life. I can remember it taking me hours to get home from Ft. Langley (where it is) because I kept having to pull over as I couldn't see I was gut wrenching crying so hard. HOW in the world was I supposed to carry on? What will I tell everyone? and the worst of all...what will everyone think?? What do I do now? I felt SO ALONE so ashamed!!!

I was working at Spa Utopia at the time and I just met this girl who was a christian and I knew I could trust her with what happened. That night we had a staff meeting and instead of me listening to the meeting I wrote her a long note and explained I needed help. She read it...started bawling....(I am right now) and after the meeting we went back to my car to chat. I was so scared. I gave my life to Jesus right there in that parking lot at Newlands I was 22. Best day of my life, I have never felt so much peace, hope and just faith that everything will be ok. Little did I know that Ryan rededicated his life back to the Lord that same night. Over the next few days he had NO withdrawls from drugs, smoking or alcohol! Praise the Lord.!

I started my journey as a child of God. He just wrapped his loving arms around me and didn't get go. I can remember everynight going to bed holding my cross necklace in my hands praying and believing that Ryan will be ok and we will be together again one day! It was a hard long journey for the next few months. I just continued growing, going to churching, learning, reading my bible, asking 8 million questions..lol.. and Ry was doing the same but we were apart.

It ended up he was doing amazingly well that he was actually mentoring other guys that came into the center so he was allowed to send me letters. OH MAN! I looked forward to those everyweek. We wrote and wrote and wrote our hearts to each other. It was awsome! We both new we were to get married but we had a path to go down 1st.

We ended up getting married (duh..lol..) and with everything we had gone through we were able to help and continue to help SOOO Many who are going through the same situations! or similar ones. An addiction is an addiction. Doesn't matter the drug of choice. Could be food? could be sex or porn?

Being able to look fully into a crying mother, girlfriend, wife, aunt, grandmother's eyes of someone they love who is in addiction is something I hold very high and am truly honored and blessed to be part of.

I've always been a very sensitive soul but after this experience I've truly been able to feel peoples hurts like nothing I've ever experienced before. I know this is something God had in his plans for my life. I like that! Sometimes truthfully I feel my sensitivity is almost as a weakness because I cry at the drop of a hat BUT I know that that rawness is a blessing. I know that I NEVER EVER EVER want to go back to being that person who didn't want to feel anything? To be so hard and stone like! I was happy and perfect on the outside but inside was a complete and utter mess!

Do you know someone like this? Please don't write them off! Please just be patient, be kind to them, bless them with a coffee or tea. More than likely they are just looking for someone they can trust or can talk to. I think we all need to open our NARROW (talking to myself here) vision eyes and see what is around us. What if the girl who I gave that note to just said "Oh you'll be fine" and walked away? or ignored me? It may not be a note but it may be something they say in a round about way that says " I need help"

This blog post was not intended to be a novel the size of China! I just poured out my heart and this is what happened. I wanted to be real (told you I would..lol...) This is my life and I am proud to say I'm a Child of God!

Be so blessed today
Jen
*Edited to say, I wrote this from my perspective. My hubby's story is so powerful and THANK the Lord he has been clean for almost 10 years now! We seriously are so humbled and thankful that he has never used again. To God be all the glory. He took our feet and place them on solid ground. Not any solid surface.... "A ROCK" ....a solid rock that CANNOT be moved or shaken. WE stand firm on God's promises and live them out everyday. *Well, try to...we are human*